1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I’ll be honest. There has been a lot of dread at my house as 4.8.09 approaches. Try as I may, I haven’t always been able to avoid the “what if,” “if only,” “why” questions with each passing day. I’m so thankful that Aaron is Home. And I know I will see him again. Those are peaceful TRUTHs…but the selfish human in me still sometimes feels guilty, cheated and confused about why he is gone and the road he had to walk to get there.

It is hard to visit Aaron's sweet little grave when I want him here with me.

I was excited about going to see Beth Moore this past weekend. I always look forward to a special Word, particularly from a really great teacher like her. And I knew the opportunity to hear her speak came at an opportune time. Her text from the weekend was 1 Thessalonians 5. This verse really stuck out to me.

The NIV says to be thankful “in all things.” Not FOR all things. But IN all things. The distinction suddenly hit me…then Beth pulled out a letter that was written to her on my behalf before the conference. And she read this:

Tuesday, April 8, 2008 4:08 PM, CDT

Our Aaron is at home with the angels held tightly by our Lord. We got to hold him and rock him as he left this earth for a much better place. One of our doctors even rocked him with us and several cried with us. No more pain and suffering. We had not held him in 3 weeks, so we were thankful for this last opportunity on this earth. He only knew 2 weeks away from the hospital and we are thankful for each minute we had him.

We came here with Aaron to get a "new" heart for him. On Friday, he got this heart after 2 open heart surgeries and 2 heart caths. Some time between Saturday and yesterday morning, Aaron sustained a massive brain injury. No one knows the cause except our God. All the doctors are baffled and said it was not a clot or bleed, but severe swelling. The swelling was too much for Aaron to handle.

We can't begin to express our gratitude for all your prayers. We know our Father heard each one and they gave us comfort. Aaron felt peace from them as well. Even though we did not get a miracle healing of our son, we were blessed to have him with us for just over 7 weeks. Maybe that was our miracle.

**Thank you, Christi.

I don't remember feeling very thankful when I wrote that. In fact, I remember feeling numb. Devastated. Rocked to my core. In disbelief. And it was hard. Leaving the hospital without our son and flying 1000 miles home was difficult. I didn't feel very thankful. I was, however, thankful for the hundreds and thousands of prayers for Aaron and for us, for the support and for the love that was shown us at that time.

As I think back over the past year and all the kindness and comfort we have received from friends and strangers alike, I am reminded how much we appreciate kind words and comfort in our grief. Even simple things like a hug or a card mean(t) so much. Some of the people who have been the most encouraging to us are those who have themselves suffered the loss of a child.

On Sunday, as I reflected over the weekend, God showed me this verse:

2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

I’ve read this verse countless times before, but never really thought about it in the context of giving comfort to others. I just paid attention to the part about God comforting us. I have been given several opportunities to offer comfort to mothers who have lost a child or parents who have received a frightening diagnosis. I can honestly say that it has been such a blessing to me to be able to offer a kind word to others during their times of fear or brokenness.

I may not ever know why God chose Aaron to suffer and die an earthly death at only 50 days old. The wound still seems so very fresh. And my flesh makes me long to have him here with ME. I would trade giving "comfort as I have been given" in a heartbeat to have my little fourteen month old son here toddling around. But that is not the road we have been given. We must instead give thanks IN all things and strive to offer comfort to others “with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

See you soon, Aaron.